This Song Will Change Your Life

Lauren Nixon-Matney • January 13, 2026
This Song Will Change Your Life

Film: Garden State


The Shins: New Slang


Pixel art scene inspired by the film Garden State and the song New Slang by The Shins, representing the moments that music awaken feeling and memory in the Searching for Stars multimedia memoir universe.

Garden State


This Song Will Change Your Life


A Cinematic Ember for Searching for Stars


There was a stretch of my life where nothing was wrong, exactly.

The days worked. The routines held. I showed up.


And still something felt oddly absent.

Like a radio tuned just off the station.

Close enough to sound like music, but never quite landing.


I didn’t feel broken.

I felt… muted.

Functional. Responsible. Awake in all the practical ways.

Asleep in the ones that mattered.



When I was young, my emotions didn’t come in small sizes.

They arrived fully formed, without warning, and stayed longer than expected.


I didn’t know how to explain that then.

I just knew everything felt too loud and too hollow at the same time.


One morning, I decided I wasn’t going to school.

I pushed furniture against the bedroom door—not dramatically, just firmly.

It was the only way I knew how to say I can’t do this today.


The response was swift. Efficient.

Questions I didn’t know how to answer.

Clipboards. Soft voices. Doors that closed quietly.


I learned early how quickly intensity gets translated into something that needs correcting.



Over time, I learned how to be steady.

How to keep my voice level.

How to tuck things away so they wouldn’t spill out at inconvenient moments.


Quiet became a skill.

Then a strength.

Then, eventually, a way of life.


From the outside, it looked like growth.



By the time I graduated high school, I was already practicing adulthood.


Not the hopeful kind.

The practical kind.


That year, most people were talking about futures: college plans, dorm rooms, what came next.

My parents were unraveling in real time.


My dad disappeared in ways I didn’t yet have language for.

Contact thinning. Distance growing.

The quiet between us stretching longer than I knew how to cross.


At the same time, the house I was living in emptied out too.

Adults leaving. Responsibilities arriving early.

A trailer with no hot water.

A sense that whatever safety net I thought existed had quietly been folded away.


By the time I walked across the stage, I already understood something I shouldn’t have had to yet:

that showing up was not the same as being held.


That summer, I didn’t fall apart.

I adjusted.


I learned how to move forward without asking too many questions.

How to carry myself like someone older than I was.


It looked like maturity.

It felt like going quiet again.



Around that same time in my life, I met Jamie.


Not in the middle of some dramatic turning point.

Not at the end of anything.


Just in that quiet stretch after youth, when everyone is pretending they know where they’re headed.


We became friends first.

There was no rush to define it.

Just time, conversation, the kind of closeness that builds without needing to announce itself.


He was carrying his own version of quiet then.

The kind that comes after heartbreak.

After loss.

After believing deeply in something and wondering if it’s wise to believe again.


I didn’t know any of that at the start.

And even if I had, I wouldn’t have known what to do with it.


I wasn’t trying to fix anything.

I wasn’t offering answers or reassurance.


I was just there.


Still open.

Still talking.

Still laughing.

Still present in a way I hadn’t yet learned to restrain.


Over time, he told me that being with me felt like coming home.

That he felt more like himself.

That something in him remembered how to believe again.


I don’t think it was because I showed him anything new.

I think it was because I didn’t ask him to become smaller, quieter, or less himself.


Sometimes presence is enough.

Sometimes staying open without instruction, without armor gives someone else permission to do the same.



When my dad died years later, I didn’t fall apart the way I expected to.

Life kept moving. I kept showing up.


But something inside me went very still.


It wasn’t the sharp kind of grief.

It was quieter than that.

A deeper hush.

The kind that settles in after everyone else goes home.


I recognized it immediately.

I’d been there before.



Garden State lingers in a beautiful chaotic way in my mind.


Not because of the plot.

Not because of the quirk.


Because it understands that strange space after loss—

when the world expects you to resume,

and you do,

even though something fundamental has shifted.


Andrew in the film doesn’t return home to grieve loudly.

He returns numb.

Managed.

Mistaking the absence of chaos for stability.


I knew that feeling.



Sam doesn’t feel like a character

she feels like an interruption.


She doesn’t arrive with answers or instructions.

She doesn’t try to organize grief or soften it into something manageable.


She stays exactly where she is unguarded, unarmored.

And because of that, everything around her has to adjust.


People tend to call that kind of presence strange.

Unreliable. Too much.


But what I see is someone who hasn’t learned how to disappear to make things easier for everyone else.


There’s a difference.



“This song will change your life,” she says.


It’s not a dare.

It’s not a prophecy.


It’s said plainly, like an observation.


New Slang by The Shins: songs don’t come looking for you.

They arrive sideways through car speakers, borrowed CDs, half-heard scenes.


They don’t announce themselves as important.

They just stay.


I didn’t know my life needed changing.

I didn’t know I’d gone quiet in ways that weren’t helping anymore.


I only knew that something in me recognized the sound.



There’s a moment in the movie where the static clears all at once loud and beautiful.


Mine was quieter.


No collapse.

No dramatic turning point.


Just a sensation returning.

A feeling moving again after a long time of stillness.


And that was enough.



I don’t think music changed my life all at once.

I think it reminded me that change was still possible.


That feeling—real feeling it wasn’t something I’d outgrown.

Just something I’d set down carefully and forgotten to pick back up.


Going home doesn’t always look like packing a bag.

Sometimes it’s realizing the place you used to return to no longer exists.


And sometimes, if you’re lucky,

a song meets you there without asking you to be anything other than awake


RESUME THE RHYTHM:

DRIFT THROUGH A CONSTELLATION OF MEMORY

Searching For Stars

By Lauren Nixon-Matney July 5, 2026
Buddy Holly : Last Kiss Pearl Jam: Last Kiss Cover
By Lauren Nixon-Matney July 5, 2026
My favorite literary phrase of all time is spoken by Josephine March, written by Louisa May Alcott in Little Women. “I like good, strong words that mean something.” You, my dear, you say good, strong words that mean something. You put good, strong words that mean something into the world, and I thank you so very sincerely for that. You have made such an incredible impact on my life, and on my outlook on beauty and aging. ⸻ I stumbled across your incredible fashion sense on Instagram and was completely hooked on your vibe. I absolutely love fashion. I always have. I’ve definitely had my own kind of zany style over the years. So when I saw you, I was like, OK, yes, she is amazing. I love this energy. ⸻ The way you put things together, the confidence, the energy, it makes you wanna get up, go into your closet, and actually enjoy getting dressed again. And for a woman approaching 40, who’s had three children and has had many of her own struggles with who am I, what’s my fashion, what’s my energy, or what’s my style, You just felt so damn refreshing and inspiring. So I hung around, but what really hooked me wasn’t just the style, it was you, the essence of you. The way you talk, the honesty, the fact that you just say things straight, no fluff, no sugarcoating, no trying to be anything other than exactly who you are.. and somehow that makes everything you say sound even more profound. ⸻ The impact your message was having in my life became undeniable. It wasn’t just something I watched for enjoyment anymore, it was something I actually began feeling, and carrying with me. I grew up in a time where it felt like there was an expiration date on women. Like if you didn’t fit into a certain mold, or size, or type… your worth somehow became less. And then life happens. You grow up. You age. Maybe have kids. Your body changes. Your priorities change. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, you can kind of lose your sense of… who am I now? What’s my style? Who am I supposed to become? Am I too late for something? What even feels like me anymore? So for a while, I think I actually bought into that idea without even realizing it. The idiodic notion that maybe I had passed some invisible point where things were supposed to quiet down. Tone down. Fit into something more “acceptable.” Or the grand illusion that I was out of time to follow my passions! But watching you… that narrative just started to fall apart. The way you show up, the way you speak, the way you move through the world so fully as yourself… it made me realize that aging isn’t something to fear or shrink from. If anything, it’s where things start to get really good. It’s where you get bolder. More comfortable. More you. More beautiful. ⸻ What you’re doing matters so much. The way you show up, the way you speak, the way you fully own who you are, it doesn’t just stay on a screen. It carries through pixelated waves. It reaches people like me, in real life, in real moments, and shifts something quietly but powerfully within us. So I just wanted to say thank you. For your honesty, your energy, your style, your voice… all of it. You have inspired me, Searching for Stars, and undoubtedly countless women all over the world more than words can truly translate. Thank you, for being you!
By Lauren Nixon-Matney May 6, 2026
Okay, so I asked God for a sign this week… and I didn’t make it easy on Him. I had just seen this video about asking for a sign, about how God answers, about how He delights in it… and something in me just… recognized that. Like, oh. I’ve felt that before. Lindsey, it was your video. And the second I heard it, I remembered something. I remembered a time, years ago, back in that early, foggy, pinkless season of motherhood, when I had asked for a sign too. I had prayed, really specifically… really honestly… “God, just show me I’m okay. Show me I’m on the right path.” And I asked for a blue butterfly. I didn’t see it right away. I waited. I wondered if I had imagined the whole idea in the first place. And then, not long after, life moved us somewhere new. A new place, new energy… the kind of move that feels exciting and terrifying all at once. They handed us the keys… and right there on them… was a blue butterfly. And I remember feeling that same quiet recognition. Like… okay. And then, a couple months after that, with prayers inside us building for a second child, we went to a park. One of those ordinary days that turns into something you don’t forget. And there were butterflies everywhere. Hundreds of them. Yellow, filling the air, lifting all at once like something out of a dream. And right in the middle of it… one blue butterfly. I just stood there, overwhelmed, because I knew. I knew I had been heard. Nearly one year to the day later, our second child was born. And then… life kept moving. Time passed. Things got busy. Full. Loud. Beautiful… but a little hazy, too. Somewhere along the way, I think I stopped asking like that. Fast forward. I’m sitting with my kids on New Year’s Eve, going into 2025, talking about goals and dreams. The kind of things you say out loud but don’t always fully claim. “I’ve always wanted to write.” And my daughter, so sure, so certain, just looked at me and said, “Then make it your New Year’s resolution.” And something about the way she said it… she didn’t question it. she didn’t overthink it. She just… believed it was possible. So I did. I started building something I’ve carried in pieces since I was in high school. Old notebooks, scattered thoughts, songs, memories… things I’ve never really known how to explain out loud. And for the first time, it felt like someone actually got it. So I got to work. Writing with a baby asleep on my chest… voice notes, typed drafts, music playing in the background… piecing together old memories with new ones. And I love it. I really do. But if I’m being honest… I started to wonder. Is this meaningful? Is this worth the time? Is this something good… or just something I want? And more than anything… I wanted to know if it was something God saw as good. Not just something that looked meaningful… but something that was. So I sat down, quietly, and I prayed. And I said, “God, if this is something I’m supposed to keep building… if I’m on the right path… if this is your will for me… please just show me. Give me a sign.” And I paused… because I knew I couldn’t ask for something easy. I had asked for butterflies before and blue jays have been unusually common in our backyard lately. I needed something specific. Something I wouldn’t just brush off. I looked over… and saw this little pink and white poodle sitting on my daughter’s shelf. And I laughed a little and said, “Okay God… show me a poodle.” almost sarcastically thinking… well, this one’s going to take a little more effort. But of course… Not even 48 hours later, we ran into Burlington. We were just there to grab socks and shoes for my toddler, her sandals were bothering her. Quick in, quick out. We ended up wandering a little. We’re headed to checkout… and my husband steps down an aisle, picks something up, and goes, “Okay, I know this is ridiculous… but we need this for the office.” And he had no idea. Nothing about my prayer. Nothing about the poodle. I’m barely paying attention yet. And then he turns it around. It’s a painting. Of a poodle. Not just a poodle… a poodle in a full business suit… sitting at a desk… reading a newspaper. I just… stopped. A business professional poodle, for the office we’re building together, a space where I can write. Like everything in me went quiet for a second. Because of all the things in the world I could have asked for… of all the ways that prayer could have been answered… it was that. I remember thinking, smiling, fighting back tears of joy… of course it is. Because I had asked for something specific. And apparently… He has a sense of humor. Also, just to make sure I didn’t miss it… because let’s be real, God definitely knows how to show out… the very next place we went… was Petco. And there was this real poodle. Then again. And again. Every aisle I turned… I kept running into it. And that feeling came back. The same one from before. Quiet. Certain. seen. beloved. Lindsey… Thank you so much, you reminded me to ask. You reminded me that God doesn’t just hear us… He answers. Not always in big, overwhelming ways… but in ways we’ll recognize. In ways that feel personal. Specific. Sometimes even funny… like they were meant just for us. And Lindsey… I just want you to know how much I appreciate all of what you’re doing. Your energy, your humor, the way you show up so fully as yourself… it matters more than you probably realize. You make people laugh, you make motherhood feel seen, and you bring light into spaces that can feel heavy sometimes. But there is also so much more than that… God really radiates through you. In the way you speak, in the way you encourage, in the way you remind people to keep going and to keep believing. It’s powerful. And it’s beautiful to witness. What you’ve created with “get your pink back”… that message, that reminder… it’s reaching people. It’s lifting people. It’s giving something back to women who feel like they’ve poured everything out. And that matters. It really does. I’m so grateful I came across your video when I did. And I’m really looking forward to everything you create next… especially your writing. You’re doing something good here. Keep going. Please never stop casting your light into the world… it really does break through the darkness.
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