Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up (A Letter of Light in Honor of Jillian Owens)

Lauren Nixon-Matney • January 13, 2026

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up

(A Letter of Light in Honor of Jillian Owens)


A pixel art image for  Letters of Light from The Cosmic Post Office in the Searching for Stars universe, A tribute to Refashionista Jillian Owens

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother.


It’s one of my earliest memories...that knowing.

Long before I understood how fragile futures could be, or how quickly a body can turn against the stories you carry inside it.


In 2011, my husband and I saw two pink lines on a test we never expected to turn positive. And almost just as quickly, everything unraveled. There was bleeding. Bed rest. Words spoken softly by doctors that landed like doors closing. A ruptured tube. Emergency surgery. A body barely saved in time and a future suddenly put into question.


What followed was a kind of quiet devastation.

Not just grief, but a fog.

A stillness where days blurred together and getting out of bed felt optional.


My sewing machine sat untouched. The parts of me that loved creating, thrift-store treasure hunting, making something beautiful out of almost nothing they went quiet too.


Around that time, I found someone who believed in getting up anyway.


I don’t remember the exact moment I found her only that I did. Somewhere in the haze, I stumbled onto a blog. Onto refashioning. Onto creativity that didn’t ask permission or require perfection. Onto a woman who showed up daily with humor, intelligence, kindness, and a sense of play and made something beautiful no matter what the day looked like.


Her name was Jillian.


She embodied a philosophy I already knew by heart one that my cousin Alisha used to live by and repeat often:


Get up.

Dress up.

Show up.


Jillian didn’t do it loudly. She did it her way. Through thrifted dresses and careful stitches. Through learning and sharing. Through smiling at the camera with a softness that felt real. She showed that even a day at home could still be a day you showed up for.


And slowly almost without realizing it I did too.


Her website was genuinely great! Thoughtfully designed, beautiful, functional, and easy to follow. The way she explained each refashion made learning feel accessible instead of intimidating. I learned so much from her details and descriptions. She was a truly gifted teacher, and her work absolutely leveled up my upcycling and thrifting skills.


I started checking in every day.


She refashioned clothes, loved thrifting, and had a dachshund named Douglas. Honestly, that alone would’ve pulled me in. The rest though…her beauty, light and the soul of her project just added more layers of awe.


There was joy in the way she moved, in the way she explained what she was doing, in the way she treated clothing not as something precious or untouchable, but as raw material for play. Even on ordinary days, even when she was staying home she showed up as herself. Fully dressed. Fully present. Fully in it.


Watching her felt like permission.


Permission to take up space again.

Permission to care.

Permission to make something simply because it felt good to make.


She wasn’t chasing perfection. She was practicing presence. And in doing so, she reminded me of a part of myself I had misplaced... the part that loved creativity for its own sake. The part that knew how to make something beautiful out of almost nothing.


Slowly, my feet hit the floor again.


I dusted off my sewing machine. I went back to thrift stores and started treasure hunting the way I used to curious, playful, unafraid. I remembered how good it felt to learn something new, to craft, to sew, to stitch, to reshape. For the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again.


I didn’t know you, Jillian.


But I knew your presence. I knew your rhythm. I knew the way you showed up day after day with creativity, humor, and steadiness. I knew the way you stood in your body and let it be seen, unpolished and unapologetic. I knew the joy you carried into ordinary moments.


Watching you felt like witnessing a kind of wholeness.

Not perfection.

Just presence.


The kind that says this life is worth showing up for, even on hard days.


You didn’t know what I was carrying when I found you. You didn’t know how hard it was for my feet to hit the floor, or how much of myself I had lost in that season. But you reached me anyway.


You helped me remember how to stand up again.

How to get dressed for my own life.

How to show up — not for an audience, but for myself.


From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you for living your creativity out loud.

Thank you for making space for joy.

Thank you for finding beauty in disaster.

Thank you for helping me find my way back to the heart of myself.


My feet hit the floor and I plugged my sewing machine in again because of you!


This light you left behind is real.

And it’s still moving.


In loving memory of Jillian Owens (1982–2021).

Forever Refashionista. 


Letters of Light - Letter to Steffany Hope Bowling

Searching For Stars

By Lauren Nixon-Matney February 2, 2026
I don’t remember deciding to look in the mirror. I was already there, half awake, the house finally quiet in that fragile way it gets after a feeding. Same bathroom. Same light. A body that no longer belonged only to me, still learning its new outline. I tilted my head, not with panic, not even sadness just habit. Like checking a bruise you already know is there. Like waiting for an apology that isn’t coming. What annoyed me wasn’t what I saw. It was how quickly my brain tried to narrate it. The subtle inventory. The mental before and after photos. The unspoken timeline of when I was supposed to “feel like myself again.” I remember thinking, with a tired little laugh, Wow. I just made a human. And I’m still doing this. Still scanning. Still measuring. Still standing here as if my body hadn’t just done something borderline miraculous. And the most unsettling part wasn’t the criticism it was how normal it all felt. Like this was just part of motherhood. Like this quiet self surveillance was simply another thing you were supposed to carry. I didn’t necessarily feel it all at once. There was no dramatic breaking point. It was more like a quiet irritation that refused to go away. The kind that taps you on the shoulder while you’re trying to move on. I remember standing there thinking how strange it was that my body could do something as massive as bringing a whole person into the world and somehow still be treated like a problem to solve. How quickly the conversation had shifted from look what you did to okay, now fix it. I hadn’t failed at anything. And yet, the language in my head sounded like I had. That’s when something finally clicked not so much with anger or rage, but with clarity. This wasn’t intuition. This wasn’t health. This wasn’t even coming from me. It was inheritance. Passed down quietly. Polished to sound responsible. Framed as care. And once I saw that, I couldn’t unsee it. Katie this is where you enter the story… Someone who said the thing out loud that I had only felt in pieces. Someone who named the difference between discipline and disconnection. Between health and harm. Healthy Is the New Skinny didn’t tell me what to do with my body. It asked a better question altogether: What if the problem was never your body in the first place? That question rearranged everything. You gave me language where there had only been pressure. You replaced noise with permission. You handed me tools not commandments and trusted me enough to use them. And that trust mattered. Because the moment I stopped fighting my body, I started listening to it. And the moment I started listening, I realized how long it had been trying to take care of me. It felt like getting this beautiful window. Not to change myself or crawl through but to finally see clearly. I kept thinking about how these things actually get passed down. Not through lectures. Not through rules. But through the tiny stuff. The comments made in passing. The jokes you barely even realize are jokes. The way you talk to yourself when you think no one is listening. Especially kids. Especially daughters. It hit me one night, sitting on the edge of the bed, that someday they wouldn’t need me to explain any of this to them. They would just pick it up. The same way I did. The same way most of us did. Quietly. Without consent. That realization felt clarifying. Not heavy. Just honest. Some patterns don’t need a big exit. They just don’t get invited into the next room. And because of you, Katie, I found the strength to stop fighting myself. To stop trying to fit my body into some mold it was never meant to belong in the first place. To me, you are truly one of the most beautiful women and souls in this universe! Beautiful is the woman who breaks cycles. Beautiful is the voice that replaces shame with truth. Beautiful is someone whose work doesn’t just inspire it liberates. Thank you for changing how I live inside my body. Thank you for changing how I mother. Thank you for helping me choose health over punishment, presence over performance, and confidence that doesn’t ask permission. You saved me in ways you may never know. Thank you so much for opening the window. I’m raising the next generation with it wide open to limitless views of beauty! Lauren
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