Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss: A Melody for the Stars

Lauren Nixon-Matney • January 5, 2026
Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss: A Melody for the Stars

Built to Spill: Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss

The first time I heard Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss, I didn’t just listen I felt it. It was the kind of song that made me want to pull over on the side of the road, throw my arms in the air, and run through an open field like I could lift off if I moved fast enough. At seventeen, that feeling meant everything.


Built to Spill had already settled into my bloodstream long before I got my hands on Ancient Melodies of the Future. My brother had made sure of that, slipping albums into my world, soundtracking my coming-of-age years with Doug’s voice, those tangled guitars, that raw and perfect imperfection. But this album this song hit me so much differently.


There was something untamed about it. The way the guitar slurred and lurched, the way the drums felt like they could fall apart at any moment but never did. It was soulful, wild, and free. And I was at an age where I wanted to be all of those things.


So I played it on repeat. I let it move through me, let it push me forward, let it become the sound of a summer where I wasn’t quite a kid but wasn’t yet an adult. I wasn’t sure what came next, but I knew how this song made me feel like I was already flying.


But that summer faded, and by the time fall settled in, I kind of felt more like I was free falling.


I was standing at the edge of adulthood, unsure of what I was supposed to do next. The certainty I had felt in music, in movement, in the wild rush of summer had started to slip away. I didn’t have the answers, and I didn’t have much in the way of guidance either. Just the people I had chosen as my family, friends who kept me grounded when I felt like I was spinning out.


That’s how I found myself one evening in a house that wasn’t mine, surrounded by people who felt like home. It was Carl’s kid’s house his ex-wife Melissa’s (to be exact). I was there with Jessie and Becky, two of Carl’s daughters, along with their niece, Emily and her mother Brandy.


Emily was still a baby then, maybe ten months old. I didn’t have much experience with babies just enough to know they were fragile, breakable things. I was still nervous around them, afraid I’d do something wrong, that I wasn’t careful enough or gentle enough. But that day, Brandy let me hold her.


And I remember feeling overwhelmed by that.


Like it was an honor. Like she trusted me with something precious.


I held her carefully at first, adjusting to her small weight in my arms. And then I started swaying. Rocking back and forth, finding an easy rhythm. Without thinking, I started to hum. And then I was singing, soft at first, just for her—


“Fly around my pretty little miss, why don’t you fly around my pretty little miss?”


I don’t know why that song came out of me in that moment. Maybe because it had been there all along, nestled somewhere deep in my bones. Maybe because I had spent months feeling like I was spinning out, and now, holding her, I felt suddenly and completely still.


There, in that living room, in the middle of all my uncertainty, something inside me settled. I looked at Emily Carl’s granddaughter, Billy’s baby and for the first time in what felt like forever, I understood something.


This.


This was what life was about.


Love. Family. Connection.


The generations that come and go. The lives we shape. The legacies we leave behind.


I kept singing. Kept swaying. Kept holding on.


But life, like music, keeps moving.


Time doesn’t wait. Babies grow, songs fade into the background until you find yourself singing them again, arms wrapped around a new little life.


Emily is no longer a baby. She’s a young woman now, one of those rare, bright lights that the world is lucky to have. And me? I have three children of my own. Two beautiful daughters that I have held in my arms at the same age, singing to them softly, the same way I did to Emily all those years ago.


And each time, I have felt that same grounding presence. That same overwhelming gratitude. That same knowing this is what life is about.


The song never faded.


Even now, twenty years later, it pulses through me the same way it did when I was seventeen. It still makes me want to pull over, run through a field, throw my arms in the air, and sing at the top of my lungs.


And maybe that’s the point.


“Open up your window just in case

You’re a radar built to scan the deeps of outer space.”


Maybe we’re all searching for something...some sign in the stars, some connection, some proof that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.



“And if you recognize subtle patterns in the sky,

Don’t take it as a sign unless it eases your mind.”


But music does ease my mind.


And I do take it as a sign.


A sign that I was here. That I am here. 


A sign to keep moving, to keep singing, to keep my arms open to the wind.


RESUME THE RHYTHM:

DRIFT THROUGH A CONSTELLATION OF MEMORY

Searching For Stars

By Lauren Nixon-Matney July 5, 2026
Buddy Holly : Last Kiss Pearl Jam: Last Kiss Cover
By Lauren Nixon-Matney July 5, 2026
My favorite literary phrase of all time is spoken by Josephine March, written by Louisa May Alcott in Little Women. “I like good, strong words that mean something.” You, my dear, you say good, strong words that mean something. You put good, strong words that mean something into the world, and I thank you so very sincerely for that. You have made such an incredible impact on my life, and on my outlook on beauty and aging. ⸻ I stumbled across your incredible fashion sense on Instagram and was completely hooked on your vibe. I absolutely love fashion. I always have. I’ve definitely had my own kind of zany style over the years. So when I saw you, I was like, OK, yes, she is amazing. I love this energy. ⸻ The way you put things together, the confidence, the energy, it makes you wanna get up, go into your closet, and actually enjoy getting dressed again. And for a woman approaching 40, who’s had three children and has had many of her own struggles with who am I, what’s my fashion, what’s my energy, or what’s my style, You just felt so damn refreshing and inspiring. So I hung around, but what really hooked me wasn’t just the style, it was you, the essence of you. The way you talk, the honesty, the fact that you just say things straight, no fluff, no sugarcoating, no trying to be anything other than exactly who you are.. and somehow that makes everything you say sound even more profound. ⸻ The impact your message was having in my life became undeniable. It wasn’t just something I watched for enjoyment anymore, it was something I actually began feeling, and carrying with me. I grew up in a time where it felt like there was an expiration date on women. Like if you didn’t fit into a certain mold, or size, or type… your worth somehow became less. And then life happens. You grow up. You age. Maybe have kids. Your body changes. Your priorities change. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, you can kind of lose your sense of… who am I now? What’s my style? Who am I supposed to become? Am I too late for something? What even feels like me anymore? So for a while, I think I actually bought into that idea without even realizing it. The idiodic notion that maybe I had passed some invisible point where things were supposed to quiet down. Tone down. Fit into something more “acceptable.” Or the grand illusion that I was out of time to follow my passions! But watching you… that narrative just started to fall apart. The way you show up, the way you speak, the way you move through the world so fully as yourself… it made me realize that aging isn’t something to fear or shrink from. If anything, it’s where things start to get really good. It’s where you get bolder. More comfortable. More you. More beautiful. ⸻ What you’re doing matters so much. The way you show up, the way you speak, the way you fully own who you are, it doesn’t just stay on a screen. It carries through pixelated waves. It reaches people like me, in real life, in real moments, and shifts something quietly but powerfully within us. So I just wanted to say thank you. For your honesty, your energy, your style, your voice… all of it. You have inspired me, Searching for Stars, and undoubtedly countless women all over the world more than words can truly translate. Thank you, for being you!
By Lauren Nixon-Matney May 6, 2026
Okay, so I asked God for a sign this week… and I didn’t make it easy on Him. I had just seen this video about asking for a sign, about how God answers, about how He delights in it… and something in me just… recognized that. Like, oh. I’ve felt that before. Lindsey, it was your video. And the second I heard it, I remembered something. I remembered a time, years ago, back in that early, foggy, pinkless season of motherhood, when I had asked for a sign too. I had prayed, really specifically… really honestly… “God, just show me I’m okay. Show me I’m on the right path.” And I asked for a blue butterfly. I didn’t see it right away. I waited. I wondered if I had imagined the whole idea in the first place. And then, not long after, life moved us somewhere new. A new place, new energy… the kind of move that feels exciting and terrifying all at once. They handed us the keys… and right there on them… was a blue butterfly. And I remember feeling that same quiet recognition. Like… okay. And then, a couple months after that, with prayers inside us building for a second child, we went to a park. One of those ordinary days that turns into something you don’t forget. And there were butterflies everywhere. Hundreds of them. Yellow, filling the air, lifting all at once like something out of a dream. And right in the middle of it… one blue butterfly. I just stood there, overwhelmed, because I knew. I knew I had been heard. Nearly one year to the day later, our second child was born. And then… life kept moving. Time passed. Things got busy. Full. Loud. Beautiful… but a little hazy, too. Somewhere along the way, I think I stopped asking like that. Fast forward. I’m sitting with my kids on New Year’s Eve, going into 2025, talking about goals and dreams. The kind of things you say out loud but don’t always fully claim. “I’ve always wanted to write.” And my daughter, so sure, so certain, just looked at me and said, “Then make it your New Year’s resolution.” And something about the way she said it… she didn’t question it. she didn’t overthink it. She just… believed it was possible. So I did. I started building something I’ve carried in pieces since I was in high school. Old notebooks, scattered thoughts, songs, memories… things I’ve never really known how to explain out loud. And for the first time, it felt like someone actually got it. So I got to work. Writing with a baby asleep on my chest… voice notes, typed drafts, music playing in the background… piecing together old memories with new ones. And I love it. I really do. But if I’m being honest… I started to wonder. Is this meaningful? Is this worth the time? Is this something good… or just something I want? And more than anything… I wanted to know if it was something God saw as good. Not just something that looked meaningful… but something that was. So I sat down, quietly, and I prayed. And I said, “God, if this is something I’m supposed to keep building… if I’m on the right path… if this is your will for me… please just show me. Give me a sign.” And I paused… because I knew I couldn’t ask for something easy. I had asked for butterflies before and blue jays have been unusually common in our backyard lately. I needed something specific. Something I wouldn’t just brush off. I looked over… and saw this little pink and white poodle sitting on my daughter’s shelf. And I laughed a little and said, “Okay God… show me a poodle.” almost sarcastically thinking… well, this one’s going to take a little more effort. But of course… Not even 48 hours later, we ran into Burlington. We were just there to grab socks and shoes for my toddler, her sandals were bothering her. Quick in, quick out. We ended up wandering a little. We’re headed to checkout… and my husband steps down an aisle, picks something up, and goes, “Okay, I know this is ridiculous… but we need this for the office.” And he had no idea. Nothing about my prayer. Nothing about the poodle. I’m barely paying attention yet. And then he turns it around. It’s a painting. Of a poodle. Not just a poodle… a poodle in a full business suit… sitting at a desk… reading a newspaper. I just… stopped. A business professional poodle, for the office we’re building together, a space where I can write. Like everything in me went quiet for a second. Because of all the things in the world I could have asked for… of all the ways that prayer could have been answered… it was that. I remember thinking, smiling, fighting back tears of joy… of course it is. Because I had asked for something specific. And apparently… He has a sense of humor. Also, just to make sure I didn’t miss it… because let’s be real, God definitely knows how to show out… the very next place we went… was Petco. And there was this real poodle. Then again. And again. Every aisle I turned… I kept running into it. And that feeling came back. The same one from before. Quiet. Certain. seen. beloved. Lindsey… Thank you so much, you reminded me to ask. You reminded me that God doesn’t just hear us… He answers. Not always in big, overwhelming ways… but in ways we’ll recognize. In ways that feel personal. Specific. Sometimes even funny… like they were meant just for us. And Lindsey… I just want you to know how much I appreciate all of what you’re doing. Your energy, your humor, the way you show up so fully as yourself… it matters more than you probably realize. You make people laugh, you make motherhood feel seen, and you bring light into spaces that can feel heavy sometimes. But there is also so much more than that… God really radiates through you. In the way you speak, in the way you encourage, in the way you remind people to keep going and to keep believing. It’s powerful. And it’s beautiful to witness. What you’ve created with “get your pink back”… that message, that reminder… it’s reaching people. It’s lifting people. It’s giving something back to women who feel like they’ve poured everything out. And that matters. It really does. I’m so grateful I came across your video when I did. And I’m really looking forward to everything you create next… especially your writing. You’re doing something good here. Keep going. Please never stop casting your light into the world… it really does break through the darkness.
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